Unconditional respect?

I recently started reading a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called Love & Respect. I'm only a few chapters in, but I have to say that it's the best book I've read all year. It is challenging me and my beliefs about a godly marriage and what it means to be a godly wife.

I'm tempted to include excerpt after excerpt from the book, but I'd end up posting most of the book. What I do want to include is the verse the book begins with that is overlooked by most men and women of the church. At least until now.

The verse comes from Ephesians and goes as follows:
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." 5:33 (NIV)

Most women undestand that, in marriage, love must come unconditionally. In reality, it's not that difficult a concept to grasp. Even men get that. But, if you notice, girls, we're not called to love our husbands unconditionally, we're called to respect our husbands unconditionally. I had a difficult time with this. I mean, we're taught that respect is earned, not just given freely. But, in the marriage commitment, we are called to respect our husbands, regardless. Heck, we expect our husbands to love us regardless of our failures and shortcomings, right?

Think about it. It would absolutely break our hearts at the thought that our husbands don't love us. To a man, respect works the same way. They know deep down that we love them, but respect them? According to Dr. Eggerichs, that is the man's greatest fear.

You might not agree with Dr. Eggerichs, so here's an excerpt of how this plays out in a typical marriage:

"The Crazy Cycle often starts when women start scolding in their homes. The word scold is often associated with mothers bawling out their children; the dictionary definition, however, says that scolding means to reprimand or criticize harshly and usually angrily and even openly. When a wife comes at a husband with repeated reprimands and "scolding," this is a surefire way not only to annoy him but to treat him with disrespect. Wives, however, tend not to see this. As mothers, correction is a part of their maternal nature. Unfortunately, they tend to mother their husbands also..

When a wife scolds her husband, she's only trying to help correct things, to keep things on an even keel. And there is no doubt at times men need this kind of help. But when a man begins to feel that what his wife is saying reduces him to a child being scolded, there can be trouble. He doesn't necessarily see his wife's heart; he only hears her words, which are saying that she's looking down on him. To paraphrase Proverbs, he would rather live in the wilderness than with this irritating woman. While many wives do not intend to be disrespectful, they appear that way to their husbands, and their husbands take refuge in stonewalling them."